Rainstorms are a shark's worst headache

Being the Varia’s second in command, it was fair to say that Squalo’s handled his share of difficult situations — some nearly impossible in nature because, of course, the Varia always had to go the fucking extra mile.

But this. This wasn’t difficult or impossible.

It was fucking ridiculous.

Squalo honestly didn’t know whether to scream or tear his hair out. He thought that by the time most people hit their twenties and thirties, they would stop acting like “love-struck” brats whenever someone tickled their fancy.

Apparently, Yamamoto Takeshi and Xanxus did not fucking get that memo.

If it had been a normal situation, Squalo probably would have ignored it, waving it off as a short time infatuation. But of course, this wasn’t a normal situation, considering it involved the boss and damn rain guardian happening to get “love-struck” over the same fucking person and then the two deciding that it would be a good idea to fight each other over every goddam little thing in order to get said person’s affection.

Squalo scowled. He could still hear Mammon screaming in irritation at yesterday’s damage costs.

The swordsman picked up his pace, the portraits of the first Vongola family indicating that he was close to his destination.

If he had to deal with this massive headache of a problem, then so did the said cause of the problem.

Squalo reached the door. He grabbed the door handle and (formalities be damned, this was an urgent crisis) slammed the door wide open.

The occupant of the room jumped at the sudden appearance of the Varia commander, face reflecting his surprise and confusion.

“S-Squalo? Um, did you need help with something?” Tsuna gave him a polite smile, nervously scratching his cheek. The brunet let out a small yelp when he found Squalo’s sword suddenly pointing at his face as the long haired man glared at him.

“Mini trash! You need to fix this mess immediately!”

Tsuna blinked, smile still in place, though a little strained as he tilted his head in confusion. “Eh?”

Tsuna pushed himself back (nearly tipping his chair over) when Squalo started swinging his sword around in a fit as he spoke, “DON’T ‘EH’ ME YOU BRAT! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” Squalo stopped swinging his sword and sighed, frustrated. He glared at the Decimo, “The mess with boss and the other trash. You need to fix it immediately before they cause any more damage.”

Tsuna’s mouth fell open and made an “o” shape in understanding. In the next second, the color drained from his face. Squalo raised an eyebrow when Tsuna slumped forward and cradled his head.

“...ed.”

“...what?”

Squalo flinched a little, surprised, when Tsuna’s head shot up, staring at him with a mix of defeat and slight hopelessness.

“Squalo I tried! B-but-! They don’t listen to a word I say! If anything they’ve just gotten even more persistent!” He pulled out a small red box and pushed it towards the other, slumping back into his chair, trying to become one with the material. Squalo picked it up, turning the seemingly innocent box around and inspecting it. Tsuna sighed, “Xanxus gave that to me yesterday.”

When Squalo opened up the box, he felt his blood pressure reach sky high levels, his eyebrow twitching uncontrollably in poorly concealed irritation.

It was a beautiful and detailed ring, decorated with rare gems, all which seemed to compliment the exhausted brunet sitting across from him. Delicate looking vines lined the band. The words ‘Mi hai rubato il cuore’ encircled the fire opal that sat as the ring’s main piece.

At least now Squalo had the answer as to why half the Varia’s budget had gone missing recently - and the worthless knowledge that despite his horrible personality, Xanxus did seem to possess a romantic bone in him.

“I’m going to kill that shitty boss…” Squalo bit out as he placed the ring and box back on Tsuna’s desk. He would have thrown it, but then that would have been an even bigger waste of their budget. Tsuna looked off to the side, face blank as he laughed without emotion.

“Of course Takeshi had to come in at that moment…” Tears ran down Tsuna’s face in a near comical manner as he remembered the scene from yesterday.

“Ah, so Xanxus, um...why did you call me out here?” It was understandable that Tsuna was confused. After all, the other had simply popped into his office and told him that they were going to a cafe downtown.

Xanxus either didn’t hear him or ignored his question - Tsuna was going to bet on the latter option - and placed a red box between them.

The Decimo blinked at the box, looking between it and Xanxus, confused.

The Varia boss just sat there, looking at him expectantly. Tsuna lifted it and pointed to himself.

“Um, do I...do you want me to open this?” Tsuna only got a scoff in response. He sighed, knowing that that would probably be the best answer he could get from the other.

He opened the box and his mouth fell open. From the corner of his eye, he swore he saw the corners of  Xanxus’ mouth twitch into a smirk.

“X-Xanxus...this,” Tsuna turned to him, eyes shining with awe, “It’s beautiful! What is it for?” Tsuna held the ring up, admiring the way the sun reflected in the opal. Tsuna cocked his head when he noticed words circling the gem. He tilted the ring, trying to get a better look.

“ M-Mi hai rubato il cuore - HIE! TAKESHI!” Tsuna shrieked as the ring went sailing into the nearby cafe wall, turning to stare in shock at the sudden appearance of his rain guardian.

‘ Where did he even come from?! How did he know where I was?!’

“Ahaha! Sorry about that Tsuna!” Yamamoto pulled a chair next to the shocked brunet and slung an arm around his shoulder. “I thought it was a baseball and I just couldn’t help myself!”

“Why do I feel like you're lying to me…?” Tsuna muttered under his breath. The Decimo flinched when he felt a strong wave of killer intent from where Xanxus sat. Slowly, he turned to face the man, “X-X-Xanxus…”

Xanxus was surprisingly calm as he stood up and went to retrieve the ring. He pulled it out of the wall, ignoring the scared customers as he walked over to Tsuna.

“Your hand.”

Tsuna held out his hand, confused. Xanxus placed the ring in his open palm and closed Tsuna’s fingers over it. Xanxus gave Tsuna a once over before he nodded to himself, seemingly pleased with whatever he observed.

The Varia boss turned to the still smiling rain guardian.

And then came the Xanxus that Tsuna knew all too well.

“Get ready to die, trash. ”

“X-Xanxus! There are civilians around! Put those away-! Oof!”

Yamamoto had pulled Tsuna into his chest, hugging the flustered Decimo tightly. “Ahaha, sorry, but I can’t die yet! After all, if I’m gone, there’ll be no one to protect Tsuna from people like you.”

Tsuna stared at Yamamoto, inwardly shivering at killer intent he was sensing from the normally peaceful guardian. Xanxus cocked his gun. In return, Yamamoto moved Tsuna behind him and pulled out his sword, preparing for the oncoming attack.

Tsuna felt like dying as he saw the two light their flames, “Reborn’s going to kill me….”

“And then they destroyed over half the buildings in the area…Hayato’s still sending out apology letters to everyone who was in the area at the time.” Tsuna felt his body sag in exhaustion, “Squalo...I don’t know what to do…”

Squalo sat down in one of the guest chairs, heaving out a sigh. “You and me both, mini trash.”

“...Maybe they’ll get bored and move on?”

Squalo just looked at him.

“I-It could happen, you know! M-Maybe they’re just using me as a substitute for practice? I’m not exactly the most interesting person nor the most ideal- HIE!” Tsuna jumped back in his chair when Squalo was suddenly there in his face. He briefly wondered if Reborn would up his training again when (not if, Reborn always had his ways of knowing) the hitman found out how much he had been screaming and getting surprised lately.

“Oi, mini trash.”

Tsuna swallowed nervously as he squeaked out, “Y-Yes?”

Squalo moved back, still holding Tsuna’s gaze, “Don’t sell yourself short. It’s not befitting of a boss.”

Tsuna blushed a rather endearing shade, ducking his head. “Th-Thank you, Squalo,” Tsuna lifted his head, smiling gently at the other, “It means a lot.”

Squalo blinked. Tsuna tilted his head, reminding the Varia commander of a puppy. Squalo started  coughing loudly, trying to ignore the warm feeling in his chest.

“Anyways, we need to figure out what to do with them since it’s getting out of -!”

Squalo moved on reflex, blocking the projectile thrown his way. Tsuna screamed when a hole appeared in the wall, scorch marks surrounding the damaged area.

“M-My office! Reborn’s going to kill me!” The Decimo started pulling at his hair in frustration. He turned a weak glare to the two new occupants. “XANXUS AND TAKESHI! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD , STOP DESTROYING EVERYTHING!”

The cause of all of Squalo’s headaches these past few weeks stood in all their shitty glory, looking at the long haired man darkly.

“Ahaha, Squalo,” Yamamoto tapped his sword against his shoulder, acting as if he hadn’t just thrown the fucking scabbard at him, “What were you doing with Tsuna? You weren’t trying to seduce him,” the rain guardian flipped his sword and pointed it at Squalo, “Were you?”

Xanxus stayed silent, debating on whether to shoot Squalo or combust him with his hand.

Squalo took a step back, readying himself for an attack. Normally, he could take on Yamamoto and Xanxus.

But love-struck Yamamoto and Xanxus were a whole fucking other level of demonic strength.

Tsuna moved to stand in front of Squalo, holding his arms out to shield the swordsman from the two demons.

The two bastards' focus shifted towards Tsuna, their bodies visibly relaxing as they dropped their hostility down a notch. Xanxus lowered his gun and stepped forward, staring at Tsuna firmly.

“Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

“Xanxus.”

Yamamoto laughed at the exchange, eyes dancing with adoration and affection as Tsuna turned to look at him. “Ahaha! Tsuna, it’s okay, we won’t hurt Squalo.”

Squalo felt his body sag just a bit in relief, glad that the ever growing lists of damage costs wouldn’t increase, or at the very least it wouldn't grow today.

But of course, the fucking mini trash just had to go and pop his bubble of hope with his stupid (somewhat cute) obliviousness.

“That’s great because I really like Squalo!”

The room temperature dropped as the three men looked at the oblivious smiling brunet.

Varying degrees of “What?” were echoed in the room. Tsuna flushed a bit, scratching his cheek nervously.

“S-Squalo’s nice to be around...well, when he’s not yelling,” the last part was muttered under his breath. Tsuna smiled at Xanxus and Yamamoto, “So I’d be sad to see him get hurt- XANXUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! HIE! TAKESHI, DON’T DO THAT IN HERE! MY DESK! ALL THE PAPERS ARE RUINED! OH MY GOD REBORN’S GOING TO-!”

Squalo didn’t get the chance to hear the rest of what the Decimo was saying nor bask in the warm feeling he got when Tsuna said he liked him.

No, right now he was currently focused on staying alive and outrunning the two monsters chasing him, who seemed to be gaining speed.

“TRASH.”

“Ahaha! Squalo come back! I want to practice this new technique on you!”

“VOI, FUCK OFF!”

It wasn’t until five hours later - when over half of the west wing had been destroyed and Squalo broke his arm in an attempt to break Xanxus and Yamamoto’s legs - that Tsuna was able to calm the situation by calling Chrome in to help create an illusion to help quell whatever fucking anger the two demons still had.

(That and Tsuna threatened to have Chrome send them far, far away if they kept on with their reign of terror on the poor mansion.)

Squalo made a face as Tsuna readjusted his arm. “This is your fault.”

“I know…”

Squalo turned away from Tsuna, taking a sudden interest in the floorboards of the recovery room. “But it’s not that bad.”

Tsuna looked at him, confused.

Squalo huffed, “You’re not that bad to be around either.”

Squalo turned when he heard a weird mix between a yelp and squeal. He almost laughed when he saw how Tsuna puffed up with joy, the brunet reminding him of a baby chick. The Decimo leaned closer to Squalo, practically sparkling as he looked at the other.

“R-Really? T-Then Squalo...! Do you think that we can talk mo- XANXUS, OH MY GOD!”

Tsuna and Squalo had pulled back in time for a bullet to come flying in between them, leaving yet another goddamn hole that would have to be repaired.

The two turned to stare at Xanxus as he aimed his gun at Squalo, eyes showing infinite promises of pain.

“Trash.”

Squalo stood corrected.

This situation was complete and utter bullshit.